Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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