I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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