I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
