I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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