I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
