the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
