I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
