I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
false alarm. still invincible.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
