i wish my penis had a tongue
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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