I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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