He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
