FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
