just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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