Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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