I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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