Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
