Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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