i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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