break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
