Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
