I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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