Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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