Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've blown a few things in my day
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
