we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
