He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
