I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
