did you get engaged???
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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