...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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