moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
