he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
