Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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