What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
