my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
