I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
