...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
