The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
