I just cut my nipple shaving
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
