Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
