I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
