Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
