i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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