the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
