oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
