Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
