The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This is my gift to your gina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
