I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
