I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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