people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
