Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
