I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
