as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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