I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
