They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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