Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
