I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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